A Welcome Addition

A year goes by so fast when you're not waiting on something in particular. But when you've been trying to do something, or get something, and you see no progress after a year it can be very discouraging. We tried adopting for a year, and after a lot of heartache and wondering why, we finally decided to try and add to our family the old fashioned way. So why adopt to begin with? Well, Kyle had surgery to prevent pregnancy after Haley was born since her pregnancy was so difficult. But when you hear a voice tell you that someone is missing in your family, it's hard to ignore. And when you get your heart set on having another baby, it's hard to let go of that dream. Kyle had a reversal surgery in May of 2011, and even though we new the odds were stacked against us, we decided to try. And so, we did. I took Clomid, tracked when I was ovulating, got an app for my phone, and we tried. And we tried for a long time. Each month brought new heartache as it was apparent I wasn't pregnant. I remember being in church one Sunday, watching a new mother have her baby blessed. I looked at my hubby and cried. When was it going to be my turn? Was it selfish of me to want another one?
After November we decided to take a little break during the holidays, so we could focus on the children we had, instead of one that didn't exist yet. The following spring, we decided to try again. So, once again, I started Clomid. If you've never taken Clomid you might not be aware of the side effects. I started having hot flashes, to the point where I would have to lay down in front of the fan in our room, in nothing but my undies. Not something that's fun during the summer. Thank goodness for central air, popsicles and ice cream. Then there's the hormone surges. At one point, I thought I was going to die. Literally die. Leave my husband and babies behind. There were also the montly blood draws, to see if I was ovulating, and what my numbers were. For some people that might not be a big deal, but I'm not an "easy stick", and every month I would pray on the way to the dr that the phlebotomist that day would be able to draw my blood on the first time instead of the third or heaven forbid the fourth. I wasn't sure I could take it anymore. I told the hubby, if we're not pregnant by the end of the year, I really think we should be done trying. It would be time to focus on the 3 beautiful children we had, and make them more of a priority, instead of fantasizing about a baby that may or may not every come to us.
After the kids went back to school, I started feeling sick. I was nautious every morning, but by afternoon I was fine. I told Kyle one day, it would be fine if I was pregnant. At least then there's a reason for it. I didn't want to get my hopes up. One morning, a few days before my cycle was due to start, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I was the only one awake in the house. I told myself, don't get excited. It's going to come back negative. You can try again next month. I looked at the test, and it was positive! I couldn't believe it!

How could it be positive?! I started crying. I brought the test in to our bedroom, woke up the hubby, and showed it to him. He was a little groggy at first, but he woke up, looked at me, and asked me if I was happy. OF COURSE!! He smiled and held me close. I sent the kids to school that morning in a daze. I was still not willing to believe it. I told myself that tests could be wrong sometimes. After everyone was gone, I called my dr's office, and spoke with his nurse, who happens to be a good friend of mine. I told her that I took a test and it was positive. "Excellent. Come in an pee in a cup for me." The whole way there I told myself to not get too excited. It could be wrong. After I got there and.....did what I needed to do, I cried again. What if it's negative. Misty was great about comforting and listening to me. I was waiting in a room, and I heard one of the nurses say "It's already positive." I was shocked, again. And, once again, I started crying. And Misty cried a little, too. Dr. Hafen came out of his office and gave me a hug. "Congratulations! This is so exciting!" I love my Dr.! I took a blood test so they could determine how far along I was, happy for the first time that they were drawing my blood. The tests came back that I was 4-5 weeks along. I called Kyle at work, told him I was definitely pregnant, and smiled the rest of the drive home. It was a good day.

School Days

For the first time, I have 3 kids at 3 different schools. I can't believe I have a 10th grader, a 9th grader, and a 5th grader. And did I mention they're all at different schools? High School, Junior High and Elementary. This won't be the last time that happens. When James graduates and goes to ATEC, I will once again have 3 kids at 3 different schools. Thankfully next year will only be 2 schools, both in walking distance from our house. Since the High School is right accross the street, we didn't have to worry about transportation for our boy. For the first time in over 10 years, I didn't have to meet a new driver, and hope that my boy doesn't end up on the news like so many other special needs kids have. However, that leaves the fear of our boy wandering away, or not paying attention to cars, and being led astray by other kids. So, after talking with our neighbor who's son is in the same Life Skills class, we decided to ask a young man at our church to walk to boys to school and home every day. He's such a good kid! Not only does he walk our boys to school every day, he also works with them at a special needs youth group our church does. He's got such a good heart, and we have grown to love this boy!

Leilani is now in 9th grade. Which is very weird for me, because I remember 9th grade. This year her cousin started Junior High, and Leilani didn't want her to be alone on her bus or to get bullied by anyone, so we made arrangements with Kyle's sister to drop her off at our house every morning, and Leilani would have her cousin walk with her to the bus stop every day. So far, so good.

Haley Jo started 5th grade this year. I hated 5th grade. We had just moved back to Hawaii and I didn't have any friends, so that was not a fun year for me. Thankfully, Haley is having the opposite experience. She's lucky that her 2 bff's live on our block. They love hanging out with each other, and this year they are all in the school play together.

So far school has had it's ups and downs. But thankfully my kids all go to really good schools with wonderful teachers.

Wow!! What a year

It's been so long and so much has happened. 2012 brought many changes and adventures. We lost Kyle's mom in April, and that was really difficult. She had come to our home on James's birthday, and the next day fell down the stairs and landed on the concrete floor. She had emergency surgery, but never woke up. She died one week later. Our kids were devestated, and they still talk about missing Grandma Helen. Shortly after that, we decided to give our kids a much needed distraction. About a week after school ended, we took the kids on a surprise trip to Disneyland. We had so much fun! James and Haley thought we were taking a trip to Nevada, and maybe seeing the Hoover Damn. Leilani was the only one who knew what we were up to. We stayed in Henderson, Nevada the first night so we wouldn't have to drive all the way to Disneyland in one day. The next morning, after we left the hotel, we started driving and driving and driving. James and Haley started getting a little suspicious after we passed a sign for California. We told the where we were going, and they couldn't believe it. They were so excited! After we got to our hotel in Cali, we put on our swimsuits, grabbed some towels, and headed to Seal Beach.

It was so fun watching my kids reactions to the ocean. They hadn't seen it since we went to Sea World with my parents about 5 years before hand. We had a blast.
The next day we started our Disneyland Adventure. We had 3 day hopper passes, so we went to both Disneyland and California Adventure. It was perfect. We gave each kid a day to choose the rides. Haley was a little sad that she had the last day, but I reminded her that this way, she got to pick her favorite rides to go on for a second time. That cheered her up.

After 3 days of fun, several blisters, a nice dinner out with some friends that live in Anaheim now, swimming at the hotel pool, and last minute shopping for souveniers, we left the happiest place on earth to come home. We stopped in Henderson again so that Kyle wouldn't have to drive all day long. The next day, on the way home, we stopped at a gas station to use the restroom and get some snacks. Haley had told me she wasn't feeling well, so I rushed her to the potty. We picked up some coke, thinking she would take a few sips and be fine. As soon as we walked out of the door, Haley threw up all over the sidewalk! I couldn't believe it! She has just been in the bathroom 5 minutes before hand! We cleaned her off, got her in the car, gave her a bucket, and she quickly fell asleep.

We got home early enough that day that Kyle and I were able to go to R.C. Willey and buy a new washing machine, since ours died a few days before we left for Cali. It was a fun vacation, and I'm so glad we were able to do this for our kids.

Let's Play Catch Up

Wow! It's been a while since I've blogged. Let's see...what's going on? Hmmm....

Summer went by in a flash. We went to Summerfest in June, and had a fun time. We usually don't go, but this year we decided to go with some friends, and the kids had a blast.

We stayed busy by going to the movies every week, going swimming and bowling with friends, and just hanging out. It was a great summer.

This was also the first time Leilani went to girls camp. She was so excited! Kyle was even able to go overnight.

It was fun, but I was also glad when school started.

It's been crazy, and it seems to just get even crazier.

Hotter than.....well.....you know where

This Memorial day weekend, I had the opportunity to go to Tucson, Arizona. Kyle is there for work and he called me Thursday, wondering if I'd like to go see him. Really? Uh, yeah! So, after a lot of scrambling, laundry, cleaning, (okay, maybe not all that much cleaning), and packing, I left Friday afternoon for Tucson. It was great! I figured this might be the last chance we have to be alone for a while, since once we get to adopt our baby, we'll be to busy to get away. It was definitely worth it. We were able to go to the Body Exhibit, where you see, well, bodies. It was neat, gross, and very interesting all at once. They were very respectful of these bodies, so we weren't allowed to touch, or bring any food or drinks, or take any pictures.

We also went to a car show. It wasn't so much a car show, as a city block that was blocked off, where people showed off some of their cars. While we were there, I saw this woman wearing a long sleeved shirt and jeans! I couldn't believe it! It was over 90 degrees, and this woman was wearing a jacket! I almost died just looking at her.

We also went to this really neat bbq place, where the door to the restrooms where a Pepsi machine, and a Superman phonebook. It was so neat. I was so glad I was able to go and spend some time with my hubby. Thanks to everyone who helped with the kids while I was gone!

New Adoption Blog

I decided to start a blog just about our adoption. There's a link to it, under my Favorite Websites. If you click that, it should take you right there. Check it out sometime!

It's called Unexpected Blessings

A Real Tearjerker

This Tuesday, Kyle and I had the opportunity to go to our adoption agency, A Act Of Love, and listen to 2 birth mom's tell their story. Needless to say, it was a real tearjerker. As I sat there listening to these 2 women, it hit me really hard that our baby's birth mother must be someone special. These women didn't give up their babies because they were an inconvenience, or because they wanted freedom. These women gave their babies to people who were pretty much strangers, because of faith, and because they wanted their baby to have more than what they could give them. Just remembering it brings tears to my eyes. One of the women was 18 when she placed her little girl, and 9 years later she still cries about it. It was a semi-open adoption, but in the last few years, she has become really close to the family, to the point where she even went on a family vacation to Lake Powell with them. Of course, it wasn't always like that. It took several years for her to get past some of the pain, and move on with her life. And she was just so grateful that this couple were willing to give her daughter the home that she couldn't. My heart just broke for her.
The other woman was 25 when she placed her baby. I couldn't believe it! 25! Most women at that age would just be a single mother, and she thought about it. She was a returned missionary for our church, and had started working at a facility for troubled youth which was very secluded. She started dating one of her co-workers, and one thing led to another. When she told the father she was pregnant, his words were, "Well I guess we should get married." She knew it wasn't right. She was actually about to break up with him when she found out she was pregnant. A few weeks later, while she was trying on wedding dresses, she had this overwhelming feeling it just wasn't right. So, she broke it off. She quit her job, and started working somewhere else. She was very concerned about people judging her and treating her badly, so she bought a ring to wear on her ring finger so no one would question her pregnancy. I don't remember when she knew she couldn't do this, but at some point, she was so upset, she just started praying. She knew that placing her baby was the right decision. After she had been given a few profiles, she knew right away who her baby's parents were. She met them, and they just clicked.
Both of these women talked about how hard it was, going into the hospital with a baby, only to come out without one, but with all of the side effects from childbirth. My heart broke when they talked about that. But the thing that got them through was knowing that they did the right thing for their daughters. Of course, it wasn't easy. The second mom said that a few months later, she showed up on the doorstep of the adoptive parents, just sobbing, asking to hold the baby. To that mom's credit (and I'm not sure if I would have the strength to do this), she said, "She's in her crib." This mother walked the birth mom to the nursery, had her sit down, she turned the lights down, turned on some soothing music, and walked away, letting them have some time together. And that was all that the birth mother needed. It was enough to get her through for a little while longer. This birth mother has since married, and now has 3 children of her own. She said that one day, she and her daughter were talking about her birth sister, and if her mom loved her the same, and she said "No. It's different. I don't love her near as much as I love you and your brothers." I wondered about that, because I can't imagine not loving that baby as much as any other baby you gave birth to, but that's just me. This is what that birth mother needed to feel so that she could move on.
I recently talked to a family member who placed a baby for adoption, and I asked her, "Do you love your other kids different than your baby you placed?" She said, "No! I carried them for 9 months. I love that baby as much as my other kids." So obviously it's different for everyone.
I'm still not sure just how open I want our adoption to be. At this point, I don't want the birth mother to know where we live so she can't just show up. I don't want her to think that she can make any decisions for this child. I want to know her opinion on certain things, but I want her to understand boundaries as well. I was told by both birth mom's and another adoptive mother to set the boundaries right away, and just feel things out. If several years later, we have the opportunity to meet again, and it feels right, then she can have some more contact. I was also told that the agreement needs to be between us and the birth mother, not the baby and the birth mother.
I walked away from that panel with even more love and respect for our birth mother. I can't imagine what she must be going through. I've recently stopped praying for the money to come, because I don't want to focus on that. I've started just praying for the birth mother, and asking for her to be supported through this experience. I pray that she can be strengthened, and that she can get all the medical help she needs, and that she will recognize us as her baby's parents when she sees our profile. And I ask for her to have peace with her decision. Because for now, praying is the only thing left for me to do.